Saturday, April 18, 2015

Inside Jokes

No one likes to be on the outside of an inside joke.

I think it's human nature to want to be 'in the know.' So, when something's happening, something's being said that we're not up to speed on, it doesn't feel good. It's unsettling, making us feel slightly uneasy.

(I'm not sure why I'm generalizing here. My intent w/ these posts is to stay personal, not go wide. Generalizing leads to false assumptions. Yet, I continue...)

All that being said, inside jokes – whether labeled as such or not – are ubiquitous. Wherever meaningful relationships exist, inside jokes find a home.

Jill and I had many of them.

And over the past few months I've been reminded of several.

I'm stretching after a run and something sneaks into my head.  (Like today.)

I'm folding clean clothes (as best I can) and another one pops in.

I stumble onto something online and am immediately reminded of that story.

There's no shortage of mundane experiences that will trigger an inside Jilly-Jason joke memory.

And when these memories hit, I'm filled w/ immediate satisfaction. Like somehow these not-so-insignificant inside jokes underline our unbreakable bond.

But, just as quickly, that satisfaction subsides and it kinda hurts. It stings. It's like Jilly and I are now both on the outside of our own inside jokes. B/c we can't share them between us anymore.

We can't share those inside laughs that were just ours.

I can remember them. But, that's all. And right now that doesn't feel like enough.

That's really the thing. Inside jokes are meant to be shared between (at least) two parties, right? And when one of those fucking parties is no longer present, those funny moments immediately (and often unknowingly) become apparitions of sorts. Nobody has an inside joke in isolation...unless maybe you're schizophrenic. (In which case, that would be a fascinating adventure to explore...secondhand.)

Inside jokes happen organically. Nobody constructs an inside joke, right? (That'd be weird and forced.  Phony.) Knowing that, I wouldn't attempt to recreate J&J inside jokes w/ anyone else. It'd be too laborious and ultimately unsatisfying. Let me attempt recreate the whole experience that led to the inside joke – give you the background and context so you can catch up and try to laugh along w/ me. Pathetic. Neither of us will be laughing in the end.

So, like a lot, I guess I'll hold these inside jokes inside. Tuck them away under the category of 'light, but meaningful' memories.

And – like you - I'll have experiences that will lead to new inside jokes.

B/c I don't want to be on the outside.

All love,

J, J, & r

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