Monday, August 4, 2008

Not Skittles and Rainbows

My friend, Ginnie, recently posted a comment on here stating that it's ok to share when everything isn't "skittles and rainbows".  First, I have to say, Ginnie, that I love that phrase and have adopted it.  Hope you don't mind.  Secondly, it's not skittles and rainbows right now.   This treatment (#4) has really hit me.  The doc said the most common side effect of treatment to build a cumulative effect is the fatigue and this one got me.  Usually on treatment day, I sleep for about 20 minutes during treatment, then just go to bed early that night.  Otherwise, I'm pretty good.  This time, I slept through half my treatment, including falling asleep while our friend Melissa was visiting us and dropping off dinner at treatment!  (Sorry, Melissa!)  I slept the whole ride home, and then about 3 hours in the afternoon.  For a few days I have to take my anti-nausea meds, which have a nice little stimulant in them, so I usually feel decent through the weekend.  This weekend, I was just a bit more tired than usual.  But today, I'm a bit of a mess.  Very tired, emotionally off track.  Not sure I've mentioned the effects of all this on my hormones before, but basically chemo sends you into menopause, so I'm sure I'm tough to be around.  I feel like I went through an accelerated menopause PLUS I'm tired.  My head is a little fuzzy, like I'm just moving slowly.  It's kind of like the hormonal roller coaster of being pregnant, but without the happy little glow.  Rory decided this weekend to be a true two-year-old and wore us all out a bit, too.  As always, family and friends are helping out, for which I am grateful.  So, keep your fingers crossed for me and send any extra energy and focus you might have my way, as I can use it.  Love you all!


  1. Hey Jill!
    It's your cousin Julie in Florida. I wanted you to know that we think about and pray for you everyday. Sorry to hear that #4 has been a tough one for you. Hopefully tomorrow will be 100% better. Thank you for keeping us all posted even when you haven't been up to it. Thinking about you guys and love you!!!!!
    Julie and Jacob

  2. For my own reasons, I tend not to visit this site often. But, I am here now. So, I will say this...
    To me, this post - the 25th since Jill's diagnosis - shows that she is HUMAN. It doesn't remove the SUPER cape she has worn comfortably since her diagnosis. Instead, it just shows us that she sometimes displays human qualities. And that's ok. In fact, it's expected. (Otherwise, we begin to think you're a robot! Then people think I'm married to a robot. Then I get the wrap that I'm a lover of robots. It's not good for me.)
    So, here's to you NOT being a robot, Jilly! Here's to more days with Skittles & rainbows. And for those days w/o, Jilly, remember that you have an army of support, beginning w/ me, behind you ready and willing to lift you up.
    And remember, laughter is the best medicine...and I'm freaking hysterical.
    Quietly in awe of you,

  3. Schmilly,

    You can use anything of mine!

    And though I wish it was skittles and rainbows for you right now, thank you for being honest enough to share the ups and downs. I hope someday you will be able to understand the ripples you have started by being so open and courageous. Thanks to your joyous nature, even when all isn't well, I've been so inspired to live my life in a better way.

    You are amazing and much-loved, even when you are cranky, and tired, and yucky.


  4. Jill,
    It has been a rough week, the dryer broke, the teens are upset cause I won't let them go to a party without adults, busy at work, etc... Then I check out your blog and everything is put back into perspective. You are truely an inspiration, and thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes I feel a little voyeristic, but then I realize that I am learning so much from you. Just three weeks ago I felt a lump in my armpit, and immediately checked it out. Luckily it was just an infection, but I know now that I will never just wait to see if it works itself out.
    Yesterday, a co-worker of mine buried her husband of a year. I read Jason's comments on your blog when the service was taking place (I had to stay in the office while everyone else went to the service). How blessed you are to have a husband that loves you so much! That too helps me realize how blessed I am as well.
    Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am thankful for your blog.
    Much love,
    Lynda P.

  5. Hi Jill, 8-7-08
    We want you to know we have been thinking of you and hope you feel much better by the time you read this. we love your positive attitude which is what it takes to overcome situations such as yours.I
    suppose you know by now that Dwayne had a hip replacement on may 28th and is doing very well with very little pain.Thank God for human parts departments.This is the fourth time I hsad to use one. Stay positive. We love you.